[Genealogy] Secrets to the Grave and More

[Michael John Neill]

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31 December 2025

** Stories to the Grave
** Start the New Year with a Genealogy Consultation

I made the comment once in a genealogical forum that there were family
stories that I know that I’m taking to my grave.

You would have thought I went on an expletive-laden rant denouncing
motherhood, apple pie, and cute puppies. I didn’t. I love my mother, like
apple pie, and am reasonably fond of cute puppies.

I meant the statement then and I still stand by it. I do think there are
stories that we can take to our grave and still be considered a genealogist.

I heard many statements similar to the following:

You’re hiding the truth.

Everyone deserves to know all the details.

People have the right to know everything.

I’m not suggesting “hiding” a truth about a parentage. I’m not suggesting
lying about a birth date. I’m not suggesting omitting a mention of a
marriage from the family history. I’m not suggesting one omit known
instances of alcoholism, mental illness, various other crimes,
“dysfunctionalities” (a word I don’t really care for), etc. so that future
family are unaware of those potential problems. There’s something to be
said for knowing these things.

I’m not suggesting that one only tell the positive things and paint an
unrealistic picture. Leaving out things I have discovered in a public
record is pointless and makes it look like I am unable to locate and
transcribe material. I’m not suggesting that either. I’ve recorded stories
of “early babies,” arrests, disagreements, suicides, “scandalous” behavior,
etc. in my family history. Some of these things are a matter of record if
one chooses to look. A few are not.

But the stories I’m not certain of? The things that I was told but that I
did not witness first hand? Those are things I likely will leave out,
particularly if the story seems biased towards one person or group of
people. Many times these stories fall into the category of gossip. Some may
say I should tell everything and let others evaluate those stories and make
their own decisions.  I’m leaving the salacious details of a certain
relative’s dalliances to fall into the dustbin of history. The fact that I
was told they happened (and possibly resulted in a child) is recorded in my
notes. Some specific details of the resulting fight aren’t necessary for me
to repeat. I was not there to witness them. It is sufficient for me to say
that there was a “falling out” between two individuals as a result.

Do I mention that a relative had a favorite four letter term (highly
derogative in nature)  that she used to refer to another relative?  No. I
can say that the relative was not very fond of this relative, did “not
think much of her,” and they didn’t socialize, but the specific phrases are
not necessary. They don’t add to any genealogical knowledge. Sometimes
repeating the story can perpetuate a family squabble that needed to die
year ago.

Again, I’m not saying don’t mention that the squabble took place. I’m not
saying don’t mention what brought it about (if you know what brought it
about and are not just repeating speculation). But some of the details of
the fight that took place on the front lawn–those might be better left out.

Chances are we all have a few secrets we’d like to take to our grave.

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Genealogy Consultations

------------------------------------
We've done several genealogy consultations in December and have more
scheduled for January.

Now is an excellent time to give yourself the gift of a genealogy research
consultation. You do not have to actually have the consultation
immediately. A few people have waited until they have tied up as many
loose ends as possible, organized what they had, and made a list of
questions. The consultation is not doing research for you--although I may
do a couple of quick lookups if details warrant. It's about talking about
your problem, seeing what you already have, and determining next steps with
the hope that most of those steps can be carried out by you without having
to hire a researcher.

There are more details about the consultations on our website and we do ask
that you follow the guidelines for problem submission.
Details here:
https://genealogytipoftheday.com/index.php/consultations-with-michael/

We've left the discount rate up, but will pull it when the January spots
are filled.

-----------------------------

Revised Full-Text Searching Webinar for 2026

-----------------------------

We’re excited to offer this revised presentation on the full-text searching
at *FamilySearch*--reflecting changes made to the site since this was
recorded in August 2025. We’ve redesigned our presentation as this
functionality continues to change. And…we have an extensive handout
complete with forms to help you find more people. Available for download by
5 January 2026. Order now for $25
<https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/67D7Z5H4ZQHJA>.

If you have purchased an earlier version of this presentation--email me at
mjnrootdig at gmail.com for the code to order this revision for $10.
Fully Utilizing Full-Text Search: Revised for January 2026

Your purchase includes:

   - *A 90 minute (or more presentation)* you can view as often as you want.
   - *Detailed handout* with charts and forms to help organize your
   searches. Charts and forms sent as separate files you can edit and
   customize and not as a locked PDF you have to re-create yourself as a new
   document.

We’ll be including and discussing:

*Determining what is in Full-Text Search—*what you can access at home and
what you will have to be in a FamilySearch facility or affiliate to access.

*Seeing How AI Transcriptions are different*—they aren’t like the
transcriptions made by humans. That can change your approach.

*Remembering that Full-Text means every word*—approaches need to differ as
we aren’t looking up a name in an index any more.

*Asking Who* is in the record? We aren’t just searching for the main person
like we did with traditional indexes. We’ll discuss how to determine who
could be mentioned in a record.

*Determining How to search?* There are a variety of ways to search and
filter results. We’ll see how each one works to help determine the best
strategy.

*Creating search strategies*—how full-text search changes your approach and
why just dumping terms in search boxes is not always effective.

*Determining what you found* The interface does not always make this clear.
We will show you how to get beyond the confusion and help you get enough
detail for a citation.

*Creating effective problem-solving approaches*—what to do when you cannot
find something you want.

*Demonstrating practical examples*—completely new people and families from
our previous presentations.

Available 5 January 2026. Order now for $25
<https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/67D7Z5H4ZQHJA>.

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--
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Michael John Neill
Genealogy Tip of the Day
http://www.genealogytipoftheday.com
PO Box 17
Henderson, IL 61439
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