[posted to our Facebook page and am sharing because I think it’s always worth thinking about]
Who watched the kids?
Have you thought about who took care of your ancestor’s children? If the mother died young, what happened (since typically the mother had childcare responsibilities)? If the mother worked outside the home, who took care of the children? If the father died young, was the mother able to support them herself? Were there relatives close enough to watch them without them having to leave the home? Were there older children who could help out? What if all the children were too young for one of them to help care for the others?
This is something to consider no matter the time period or location of your research. Families with more financial means usually had more options and potentially less disruption for the remaining family members than did those families with fewer financial resources. When my male ancestor in his late 40s lost his wife in 1888, there were young children in the household, but there were daughters in their late teens who I am assuming helped with childcare. This family, while not “well set,” did not live a hand-to-mouth existence. Another male ancestor, about the same age, with two children under ten lost his wife about the same time in about the same location (rural western Illinois-USA). There were no children old enough to help out and this family lived pretty much a hand-to-mouth existence. There were no relatives in the area and his two daughters ended up being raised by neighboring families as foster children. Women usually had additional challenges. A 50-something female ancestor lost her husband in 1913. Her children ranged in age from ten to nearly thirty. She had a small farm, paid off, and children to help her with the labor. She never remarried and managed the farm herself. I have other female ancestors who were not left in such a situation and for many another marriage was the option. It just depended on the situation. My thirty-something female ancestor whose husband died in Kentucky in 1815 never remarried and farmed the land with her children–her two oldest sons at the time would have been in their mid teens.
Have you thought about who took care of the children? It should always be on your genealogy plate if a parent dies (or becomes incapacitated) when there are still young children.
11 Responses
Yes, it is one of my current fixations. My Civil War ancestor (3x g-grandfather) George Hall was permanently disabled with war injuries but managed a life as a farmer until his wife died in 1881 leaving nine children aged 23 -6. The two oldest boys were off on their own and had started their own families. The next oldest was 16. I presume she took on some of the motherly duties. Within 2 years George was admitted to the Old Soldiers Home in Dayton where he lived the rest of his life. I cannot determine where the younger children ended up. Three completely disappeared from records (although with the last name Hall the search hasn’t been exhausted) but the others are not found again until they are much older. I can’t help but wonder what happened to them when dad went to the hospital and never returned.
Actually, I have thought about it a lot because my mother died when I was 4 and my brother 18 months. My grandmother came and took care of us. It was the first time she had ever moved from her small Iowa hometown. She was 66 years old. When I turned 66 I thought about how overwhelming it would have been to suddenly have to take care of 2 small children. Interestingly, my grandmother died young, leaving 5 children between 17 and 8 years old. My great grandmother came to live with them but this week I found a newspaper notice that said she had fallen and badly broken a hip (20 days after her daughter had died). Sadly she died a year later and the kids basically took care of themselves while their railroad engineer father was away.
Sometimes when we reach those ages where ancestors did things, it really does make us think. And the things they went through often give us pause to think.
Don’t forget about the mothers who were ignored and a guardian appointed. Mother being to inept to care for the children with no man around the house to tell her what to do, I guess.
Many of these were guardians of the child’s estate (inheritance) and did not have actual physical custody. My female ancestor whose husband died in Kentucky in 1815 was not appointed guardian of their children (all of whom were minors), yet she somehow managed to keep hold of the farm until she died 35 years later.
My father-in-law’s mother died in childbirth and left a slew of children in the early 1900’s New Jersey Italian family. They were taken in by his in-laws and one was adopted by an aunt, learning about her true siblings later on in life.
It was fortunate that the story was even passed on. Sometimes those stories are not.
One of my great-grandmothers was left a widow in her early 30s with five children between 1 and 14, in southern Missouri an area where she had no close relatives. She somehow was able to return to Michigan, where her father lived — I’ve always wondered if he came and fetched her, or sent one of her brothers. There she bought a house and set up shop as a seamstress, but lost the house due to an unclear title. So she married again. To a man who eventually deserted her.
My great grandfather died in 1876. He left a pregnant wife, my step great grandmother, and four boys. One my grandfather. After she had the baby she put the boys with family members and friends. The youngest boy she put in a home for children. I understood she couldn’t take care of the boys and they were all located except for the boy who was put in the home for children. We haven’t located him, but I won’t give up.
To Katrina M Hande
Try looking for the missing children in a Soldiers and Sailors Children’s Home in the Dayton area. These were homes set up for the “orphaned” children of veterans of the Civil War. Ohio had many such homes as that.
Madeline A Yanov,
Thanks, I never heard of these. The family lived in Indiana though when George was admitted and those that eventually showed up later as adults in records had all stayed in Indiana. I will definitely pursue that possibility though.