Don’t press a family member who cannot remember a specific detail you would just love to know. Getting in someone’s face when their memory is rusty does nothing to cause them to remember the information more accurately. It only serves to frustrate the other person, to increase the chance they remember fewer pieces of information, and to tell you to leave and not come back.
Your goal when asking questions is to elicit as many memories from the person as you can, record those memories, and engage the individual in a way to encourage them to remember more. Many times, talking about something else will cause the person to remember more about that event they “couldn’t quite recall” a few minutes before.
It’s not really important if they can’t remember the precise date someone passed away. Some of us do good to remember the month something happened. Leave it at that.
2 Responses
I found that by bringing pictures and telling known stories tend to stimulate another person’s memories. Being prepared with more than one question and only getting some of them answered will be far more productive. I may not get specific answers to questions still needing answers, but I often get information that was not anticipated. In today’s world, its much easier having the pictures on a phone or tablet that can be enlarged for poor eyesight, too. If there is enough interest, the basic family tree comes out, then family group sheets which also often stimulate unanticipated stories. They may not remember the individual you want information on or specific dates but remember the sibling, wife, or child associated with them that will provide clues.
Pictures are a great way to get people to remembering things. They don’t even have to be old ones.