When first communicating with a newly discovered cousin, try not to overwhelm them with information, particularly all the details of family scandals. For someone whose interest in family history is just developing, too much information may intimidate them and too many scandalous details may push some people away.
I’m not suggesting keeping secrets, just take it slowly. And you may be surprised–sometimes those new cousins already know all the family skeletons.
3 Responses
Wish I’d thought about this a few years ago. I thought I was being quite tactful in the way I shared some information, but I’ve never heard from that person again. I wish I’d waited till we had a better, longer relationship. Sigh.
Yes, and that can be the frustrating part.They know what I want to know, but they don’t want to share what I might need to fill in the blanks.
I know secrets about my family. Some I know the reason they kept them and some I don’t. The ones I don’t know, I am not interested to find out . If they had secrets for their lifetime and the next generations have followed suit, who am I to break their wishes.