If relative A and relative B didn’t speak for the last half of their lives, it can be difficult determining how much of that estrangement to include in your family history.

One approach is not to mention it at all. The other extreme is to record every personal detail you know. Failing to mention it (when it is known) results in a story that is not complete. Including every detail (especially if you lived through it) may be overkill.

  • Grandpa H. never really forgave James for leaving the farm and not following in his footsteps. They never spoke after James moved to town.
  • Uncle N. accused his brother of stealing gas from his farm tank and they never spoke after that. The brother never set foot on the farm Uncle N. did not attend his brother’s funeral.
  • Grandma S. did not speak to Aunt K. after she married outside the faith. Grandpa S. did speak to Aunt K. and gave her money a time or two when she needed it. Grandma S. did eventually reconcile with Aunt K. after Grandpa died.

If you witnessed the Uncle N. accusation of the gas theft, the some of the fine details of that scenario can probably be left to history (especially anything you might not be remembering correctly). Grandma S. screaming out the front door at Aunt K. that she was a worthless @(*#&@$ may not something you wish to preserve–or it might if you have a reputable source that it actually took place.

It is always important to not report what you do not know to be true. Keep that in mind as you record information about estrangements. Remember that details can get fuzzy and be exaggerated over time.

It’s also important to remember that it is easier to write about these things if you were not personally involved in them. But do not ignore the estrangement. It can explain things to others later.

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One response

  1. I have several such stories in my family..I share all versions and explain that most follow in the hearsay category. That being said the entertainment value is not lost but actual facts may differ but relayed to the best of my memory.

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